Men!

Okay, so some guys really confuse me. No wonder I've never been in a relationship. I'm not able to tolerate people. I used to think that I had an amazing tolerance for people, but guys are only good until they try to impress you. One guy doesn't try so hard and I'm his, you know? But then at the slightest hint I might be interested they get all stupid and either make everything ridiculously sappy or they stop talking to you. I mean, if you like me back its cool, but don't change. Obviously if I liked you before I wasn't requiring a change. And if you don't like me back CHILL I'm not crazy, it isn't weird. I promise I wont stalk you if you say you just want to be friends, I will get over it. Why cant I just find a guy that isn't so complicated? I confuse myself enough as it is. Just a couple thing that have been on my mind lately. :/

Acceptance

There comes a time when you must forget the things you didn't do well enough. You forget what you could have done sooner or better. You forget how much you have studied and how much you learned. The last week of the Semester there is no time for regrets. You continue to cram until the last minute. You sacrifice and decided which assignments are more important, more difficult and thus which will get more attention. You accept what you've given and wait for your final exams, papers, and assignments to be graded.
I am at this stage of the Semester. This is the first day of the last week of my first Semester of school at Central Maine Community College. I just missed my College Algebra "Review Class" to prepare for the Oral Presentation I just did (very well if you ask me) and that was an easy sacrifice to make. I know I can handle this set back because I'm pretty stable in math. I will do a quick review tomorrow over my math and hope for the best on my exam. He doesn't grade our homework so I have gotten through this whole class with out doing homework and minimal preparations for the tests and I've been doing quite alright.
Chemistry.... I am failing it and that is OK because I'll get in all the make up work I can manage and I will try hard to study for the final but there are no guarantees that I will b"What can I DO to fix this?" stressing that I can't handle. I was in the hospital for Chest pains last Tuesday for this exact stress I've just described to you.
My other classes, I'm alright in, my College writing teacher is out so I will be being taught by my favorite teacher actually, The one for The Short Story class I'm taking. This should be fun. I can get away with a little more hopefully :) I have to just write an essay (no sweat).
That sums up all of my classes and worries for now. After this week I have a month until the next semester starts... Paradise waits for me just beyond this hell that is "Finals Week".

Friends

Friends are everything to me. I don't nned a lot of friends, its not about that. I don't just mean my closest friends or the friends I've had the longest. Any one I've ever cared for or any one who has ever cared for me. For me, life is about the relationships you create and maintain with others. Even friends who have drifted hold a special place in my heart.
I LOVE people so much. They make me so happy, I love that I can make people happy and that people can make me happy. I feel like if more people realized how special friendship can be, we would all be hapier for sure. But this is another one of my weird views on life where I feel like I can fix the world. :/

Stress

I haven't posted in a while. This isn't really a problem because little to no people actually follow this blog. But it happens to be extremely healthy for me to get my thoughts out there. So... I've been struggling with a lot lately. Balancing fun and school has never been an easy task for me. Lately I've spent an incredible amount of time video chatting with Scotish friends of mine. I do love making new friends all over thew world and these two friends happen to be coming to America to visit my friend Alyssa and I. I am overly enthusiastic about this. As well I am nervous because I'm meeting new people... but the way we talk? I think that it will feel like we've always known each other... when I talk to them now it feels like that. It is really incredible how many opportunities we have with technology. However much fun I've been having, it isn't worth the price I've been paying grade wise. I need to straighten up my act. I can talk to my friends in the evenings or hang out at the college for fun but I really need to do my work... After classes this thursday there will be ONE week left in the semester for me. I hope I can get my act together and bust out some serious progress! I pray a lot for my family and friends a little for personal success and a little for my personal happiness. <- in that order mostly. :)
But now I can say I have an abundance of happiness, good health and fortune(not money necessarily) in my friends and family life, and Only one class that is really giving me troubles. I am truly thankful!

Forgetting

That smell.


Sometimes I get
a whiff of that wholesome “mommy smell” and I melt a little. The sweet clean smell. Your perfume, your soap, You.


That smell is slowly fading.


That laugh, I'd like to think I've inherited your contagious laugh. Every one close to me knows my laughter. I hear about how every one would laugh with
Kristi. How did it sound? Laugh for me, just once more.

Your smile.
Thanks to photographs your smile is forever etched into my memory. A smile so bright and happy, even though I know you were not always happy, were
you?


I hope you still smile for me.


Your voice.
I KNOW it was deep. Soothing. However, I could not imagine your voice now if I tried.

Each day I am forgetting you.


Each day I become a little less sure of how you felt when I would cry laying in your lap, complaining about your prickly legs.


Each long year I age with out your guidance.


A girl can only learn so much with out a mother.


You are gone.
Your pain is gone while our pain remains. Torturing us. It has been nearly eight years.


I am so lost. I want to scream sometimes because I miss you, because I forgot what it was like to be safe in your arms... with only the monsters to scare me at night.


I wish I could fight the monsters again.


I wish you could fight my monsters for me again.


You missed the greatest success of my life so far.


You missed my greatest defeats.


You missed our love and hate and worry...


And we all have missed you so.


Nothing compares to the way I felt the day you died.


The selfish pain and the realization that you were never coming back to sit with me at night when I was afraid.


Well maybe I'm scared now...
and maybe I need you.

college life

You expecet that when a professor says that he will send you your homework...he WILL. My professor did not. I really hope something happened and he could not send it to any one because I am FREAKING out. I hate not having my work done, and even more so, I hate feeling as though I am helpless and can not figure this out on my own. UGHH!
Any way. Today I was going to get to the school an hour and a half early to try and figure this out but I managed to miss the bus. I seriously hope that never happens when I'm not trying to be early. because then I'd miss a class. That would be noooo good.
So, I was always a slacker in high school and now I'm trying to change and be a better student. So far it has been working out for me. I hope that this little slip up doesn't set me back. :)
Who ever reads this: Never slack, you need to take from life all that you can. Especially when it comes to education.
I do not neccesarily mean college, but if you love something, learn it. No one can take away your ability to learn!
So never let them!
Jo Marie
P.S.
Live your life the way you wish. Or else it isn't YOUR life.

Growing Pains

Each year we get wiser, stronger, older. This year, more specifically within this next hour, I'll be aging quite significantly. I will be 18. What a jump. at times I still feel as though I'm only a child and the most important thing to me is the next sleep over or if I would get that new barbie doll. when playing in the mud was cool and being cool didn't mean much. I still laugh until I can't breathe. Now I have to be responsible and supposedly i have to be "smart" whatever that is! but I'm happy to be almost 18 in a few short moments :)
My sister has promised to teach me wicca. I just got chakras for my birthday amongst other very cool things that I REALLLY love!
i hope to have some people read this! if not, it will merely be a personal journal for me.